Naraku's Guide To Plagiarism
by Celyia
Summary: Naraku gives tips to the shady "authors" out there on how to plagiarize without being caught.
1. Foreword

**Title:** Naraku's Guide to Plagiarism, AKA Plagiarism for Duhmmies  
**Author:** Naraku as told to Celyia  
**Dedication:** To those "authors" who need so desperately to brush up on their plagiarizing skills.  
**Note:** In all seriousness, this is a parody. I do not condone plagiarism in the slightest and I'm sick and tired of seeing it happen. The person in question has decided to now cooperate and so while I'm not going to remove this story, I will remove all mention of her name.  
  
  
  


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**Foreword**  
  
Ah, plagiarism. This dear little word is one that few can spell, but most of us in the fanfiction world know by heart. What does it mean? According to Websters.com, it is "to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own." In other words, it's theft. Bleh.   
  
So how did Naraku's Plagiarism for Duhmmies get started?   
  
Funny you should ask that…   
  
Recently I visited Sengoku Jidai in order to do research for a later chapter of one of my stories called "Falling Stars", but I must admit, my heart wasn't truly in it.   
  
It was a shame, really. I was down, depressed, in the dumps. Oh, ho hum. Listening to the way Kagome, in her ever startling eloquence, discover that of all words in both the English and Japanese languages, "Osuwari" still remained the best one, left me feeling empty. Smelling the sweet air stirred by the impact of Inuyasha's bruised body as it collided with a bed of yellow, pungent flowers merely made me sigh. Watching the affectionate, almost gentile way Sango's slender hand slapped Miroku's face as his grasping hands fell from her bottom only made me turn away. And you know things are bad when the sight of Sesshoumaru's hard, chiseled abs, moist and shining from the steam from the obligatory hot springs, did nothing for me. (Hey. I'm an author. I have eyes EVERYWHERE, even in Sesshoumaru's bath. Muahaha. It's one of the perks of writing, you know)   
  
Why the drama, you ask.   
  
Very well. You've dragged it out of me. I've been ::gasp:: plagiarized! But you see, if that wasn't bad enough, the quality of plagiarism was so poor that it actually embarrassed me! Oh, the humanity! (or youkai-ity, depending on your species and all)   
  
So I sat there, reclining by the old Bone-Eater's well, waiting for something so interesting to happen that it would knock this poor fanfic writer out of the doldrums, and who should come to my rescue? Ah! Naraku himself. Now he must have forgiven me for my rough treatment of him in previous fiction (or he had yet to read his script for "Falling Stars". Hmm. Wonder which is more probable), but the next thing I knew, he was sitting right next to me.   
  
Baboon suit and all.   
  
Now, I've never been a fan of Naraku, so imagine my surprise to find the guy actually watching me. Those eyes of his, so beastly in their ethereal beauty, followed my every move, almost as if he were interested in this huge burden I carried in my mind.   
  
"I've been plagiarized," I gushed, my hand flung to my forehead as my body collapsed against him. Enjoying the warmth of his body, I waited for the comforting I knew would soon come. (See. Another perk of being the author)   
  
"Sucks to be you," my rebellious little hanyou shrugged, pushing my trembling body away.   
  
"Gonna suck to be you more when I start writing a yaoi starring you and..."   
  
Think, Cel! Think fast!   
  
"...Inuya- no. Someone's done that already. Um.. Sess - no, I can't do that to my Fluffy… um.. Kouga! A yaoi starring you and Kouga!"   
  
He shrugged dispassionately, his narrow shoulders rolling back beneath the white fur.   
  
"Never been with a wolf before. Might be..."   
  
"Forget yaoi, then. You and Kagura!"   
  
"That is positively the most disgusting thing I have ..."   
  
I sighed, allowing my chin to fall into the palms of my hands. It was a dramatic look, I thought, and definitely a position that I love putting my poor victims… I mean, "characters" in.   
  
"... and FURTHERMORE, she's me. I mean, she came from me. That's like... um ..."   
  
"I know, I know," I muttered, waving his words away as if they were flies come to pick and nibble at my heartbroken remains. "But I've been plagiarized, so I don't really feel like myself."   
  
"Not like yourself? Oh, that's a shame," Naraku wrinkled his perfect little nose. "I was just beginning to wonder if you had some redeeming qualities after all. Heh. Plagiarized, eh?"   
  
"Yeah," I commiserated, stuffing the print-outs into his awaiting hands. "Look. See. All the parts she took from my story I have highlighted and counted and..."   
  
"I got it," he grumbled, rolling his eyes even as he shuffled the papers around. "I got it - you have way too much time on your hands. Hmm. Oh. I see."   
  
See, this is the part where mere italics just won't do. You had to be there to hear the hush in his voice as he said the word, to see the way his heavily made up eyes narrowed as he looked over my annotated ... um ... notes, as understanding of my dilemma finally penetrated his thick and, to my utter dismay, nice-looking head.   
  
Damn. Forget I just said that. ::note to self - Sesshoumaru! Sesshoumaru! Remember those hard abs, baby. Sesshoumaru!::   
  
"This is bad," he sighed, waving the fistful of papers at me. "Really bad."   
  
"I know," I whined, hoping that it sounded more like a Kagome whine than a Miaka one.   
  
"No, you don't understand!" Naraku protested vehemently, coming to his feet as he threw the papers into the well. "She makes all us happily evil people look bad and incompetent. I mean, look at ..." he paused in his words as his finger went to point at something in the papers no longer in his hands, "... Well, I take exception to this, that's all. I mean, if she's going to do something, the LEAST she could do is learn how to do it write. Hehe. Write. Right! Get it?"   
  
(Finally. Proof that puns really ARE evil)   
  
And that is how the idea for this little guide was started. I hope this helps you and now, as I leave you to Naraku's wise words, I give you one last adage:   
  
_"If you cannot be good, at least be good at it."_   
  
  
-Celyia, 4 January 2003   
  
  


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Next time on NPfD: Naraku's Introduction and Chapter 1 - learn the Principles (word used loosely) behind Plagiarism!   
  



	2. Chapter 1: Plagiarism Is It In You?

**Title:** Naraku's Guide to Plagiarism, AKA Plagiarism for Duhmmies  
**Author:** Naraku as told to Celyia  
**Dedication:** To those "authors" who need so desperately to brush up on their plagiarizing skills.  
**Note:**Thanks, guys. I was worried I was going to piss you guys off with this one. Thanks for the support. :-) For those of you who are curious, yes, I tried to handle this in a more mature fashion. I've been at it for the better part of a week. :/ I even warned her what I was going to do. Unfortunately, sometimes actions speak louder than words (ironic since ::grin:: in this case, the action *is* words) and voila! this fic came about. OH! As for the chapter... I forgot that I wrote "Principles" as Chapter 2. Ooops!   
  
  


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**Introduction**   
  
  
Wordy, isn't she? Unlike the other authors who actually have style and grace, that one insists dribbling nonsense. It defies my comprehension that anyone would intentionally plagiarize her but hey! the way I figure it, if everyone had as good of taste as I do, everyone in the world would be one of my spawns.   
  
Heh. I kill me. (And I'll kill you. And you. And yes, even you)   
  
Anyway, the idea of this little foray into the writing world is to help all of you wannabes become a little more efficient and ruthless in your endeavors. In all honesty, people try to make the Evil Side a laughing stock as it is and I refuse to stand by and allow your stunning incompetence to assist them.   
  
So for the sake of all that is Nefarious (tm), listen up and learn.   
  
-Naruku, 4 January 2003   
  
  
  


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**Chapter 1 - Plagiarism: Is It In You?**   
  
  
  
The decision has been made to post a story and now, you've come to the dreaded crossroads of the writing world.   
  
To plagiarize or not to plagiarize. That, I do say, is the bloody question.   
  
Heh. Damn, I'm funny. You'd think with an employer who cracks jokes like Indiana cracks his whip, Kagura would never try to run away. The dumb bitch. The DUMB, betraying bitch. The dumb, betraying bitch with NO sense of fashion (feathers? What's the deal with the freaking feathers!) and a penchant for trying to escape.   
  
Escape. Um. Excuse me a moment.   
  
Okay. Back. Still in her chains and as grovel-y as ever. Heh. It's good to be evil.   
  
As I was saying, you have a very important decision to make that will affect the rest of your fanfic career. You can choose to labor and sweat and create a story from the recesses of your own imagination (and if you decide to go that route, PLEASE stop making me lust for Kikyou. That's soooo fifty years ago), or you can make life easy and plagiarize!   
  
In order to help you, the Duhmmie neophyte, in your efforts to walk on the Dark Side, I've compiled a list of reasons for and against plagiarizing.   
  
  


**Pros:**
**Cons:**

1. You'll never need to put effort into thinking or writing again!
1. Being caught can lead to embarrassment, banishment, and distrust. (Heh. Like you need that anyway)

2. Receive acclaim for work you never did, leaving you free to... um... free to lead a life of Nefariousness(tm).
2. Being caught will immediately make all your work suspect. Heh. Big deal. It's not like you DID any of it, anyway.

3. Frustrate and discourage the real authors from writing and posting. (Please. As a favor to all that is Nefarious in the world, do it. Get that dumb "Celyia" chick out of here. If I have to read one more inanely fluffy story about Fluffy, I'm going to throw up)
3. If you are a whiney do-gooder, or even a person with a modicum of self-respect ::shudders::, you might actually start to feel guilty. (Heh. Wuss)
4. (My favorite!) Demean your audience by assuming they won't get what's going on. Heh. If that isn't Nefarious, I don't know what is.
  
  
Now that you have the facts before you, make your decision.  
  
Go on. I'm _waiting_ here.  
  
If you decide to take the whiney way out (WUSS! RUN HOME TO MOMMY! ::ahem::), don't let the figurative door hit you on your not-so-figurative ass. But if you want to continue learning how to progress in your nefarious deeds, follow me to Chapter 2.   
  
  


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AHEM! Now "Principles" is coming up. And Baka Deshi -- hehe. Sesshoumaru is STILL my mane (and tail?) man! *cough* *ahem* Neeeext!  
  



End file.
